I woke up this morning with the usual attitude of gratitude. Yes, I am very grateful for the life I have but there are definitely some things that I know I have to change whether the ugly face of fear surfaces or not. I know that I cannot continue to live the way that I do in my household...my sanctuary...and expect other areas of my life to flourish.
For the past few days, I have been quasi-consumed with a relationship that has morphed into something that not even I recognize...and I've seen some things! I spent the last few days allowing somebody to live rent-free in my spirit who appears to minimal concern for my feelings. Now, I must admit, I am not a very outwardly affectionate person. I am very guarded, calculated and cold person at the possibility of the potential of disappointment ** this is some kind of defense mechanism that hasn't really been too beneficial in my life** But as I analyze the situation, I realize that even in this state, I am learning some great lessons.
Anytime you feel negative emotion, stop and say: Something is important here; otherwise, I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I want? And then simply turn your attention to what you do want. . . . In the moment you turn your attention to what you want, the negative attraction will stop; and in the moment the negative attraction stops, the positive attraction will begin. And—in that moment—your feeling will change from not feeling good to feeling good. That is the Process of Pivoting. ~Abraham Hicks
I realize that I want whatever is best for me. Whatever makes me happy. Relationship. No relationship. An expensive pair of heels. Going to the gym to take yoga classes. Eating a slice (or two) of buttercream cake. Staying in bed all day. Blogging. Ignoring phone calls. Reading fashion magazines or erotica. Surfing the web. Porn and chinese food (don't ask). Whatever makes me happy in the moment and causes no imminent danger...I'm for it. This is the year of me!
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