Writer's Block

He's occupying ALL of the space in my head and I don't wanna write about him.

another lesson...not learned!

I'm @ the end of my rope. I see that it's over but I needed to see him again. Never knew it would end like this. I imagined a much happier ending...okay, i never imagined an ending @ all. Disappointment is no stranger. He rears his ugly head again...this time, I wasn't prepared. I thought this time was different. At least it felt that way and that's why I was so willing to break the rules. I guess rules are rules for a reason...but I'm a rebel, right?

And so now what???? Back in his arms again and it feels so good. *sigh* Tears stream as I try to hide them. We don't talk about feelings...we just don't. We don't talk. How am I surviving this? Another relationship where I can't see myself...can't be myself. When does it end?

So I ask myself "Why am I here?" LOVE...Why??? Why did God design me to LOVE this way?? Why?? Why did God design me to LOVE "HIM" this way? I thought I was able to walk away from anything. I guess this another lesson..that I, obviously, haven't learned..

Past Life

I was watching tv on Hulu *what's new*and saw an ad for this show. I'm glad I tried it!

LOVE Quote

I LOVE this!!!

"Love Quote"



"You can't expect people to love the way you do. Expecting someone to have the same passion you have for them is unfair. The same as you can't get mad at someone for not liking or for liking you for that matter. Every person is unque and to accept someone is to accept the way they feel about you good, bad, or indifferent. Now its up to you to figure out where your standard is. You have to accept how someone else feels or shows those feelings but you don't have to limit your desires only to their limitations. And when you look at it ---sideways---if you are getting upset and trying to change how they feel about you or trying to change how they show it, then you are basing your feelings on what they are giving you...you can't love someone but then add but I could love you better if you just switch this up or dang loving you sucks cause you keep doing ths or cause you won't say that. Keep your love pure...share it, expose it, and invite it into your life without stipulations. You will surely impress yourself and others when you can love and make no apologies and expect none in return...love without conditions and without expectations..no once can do you better than you."

Banter

I love words. I write because I am not all that great at relaying what I feel verbally. I feel things vividly and intensely, therefore I write. I am a woman of few words unless engaged in playful banter or debates. I am usually never what people expect me to be. I love hard. Yes, I do. I love deeply. ~Queen of My Castle

I was reading material from other bloggers. I love to read just as much as write. I also find it interesting that others feel the same passions as I do.

This paragraph captured the essense of the inner me. I am an immense lover of words. I study. I read. I write...WORDS! I am a communicator but when those communications stream from the heart to the one who's being resides there I resort to words in scribe. "I am a woman of few words unless engaged in playful banter or debates."  
  banter: an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery
Banter...a word I'll never forget. Those were the best of times...days gone by.
 
I learned @ an early age that I could never live up to the expectations of others; hence, thoses beliefs molded me to be a unique individual with a completely different mindset than most *somehow I lost that...but that's another blog*. I eventually earned the name Anomaly as a result. I enjoy the fact that I am comfortable with who I am and that I envy no one knowing that God made me just the way I am for quite a unique purpose. I am specially designed for the mission that I am to accomplish while here on Earth. I am...because He is.
 
I love with everything within me. I love completely. I LOVE! Unfortunately, it sometimes manifests as something other than what I feel. LOVE is a scary thing!!! When I love...he occupies my thoughts.  Thinking about him makes me warm...literally. I give...freely! I am a friend. A lover. A partner. My desire is to cater to his every need and the pleasure is all mine. It's who I am...emerging from my core. When I LOVE, I LOVE COMPLETELY.

No apology necessary

So I woke up this morning to yet another apology. I don't mean to sound callous but...


It's almost funny to hear you say you realize how it feels to be ignored. You don't know how I lasted so long. How you realize that it's too little too late...offering me a hot mug of peppermint tea as a peace offering. You dismissed the possibility of incalculable happiness. That was your choice. I was just another pawn. Little did you know, I've always held the position of QUEEN.

The queen (♕,♛) is the most powerful piece in the game of chess and can move in any direction.
This statement is soooo powerful to me. It makes me realize that I don't have to be stagnant due to your inability to even imagine the depths of my ability to soar. I am magnanomous. I love myself despite all that you've withdrawn. I can never be reduced to your ideals of me. I was God's gift to a great man and no other will ever be greater than he. **I originally wrote born and then substituted God's gift which is actually the meaning of my middle name. God is great. Thank you, Lord. I am having a moment. **

You, too, were a gift to me. You made me strong. You made me realize that life is about struggle and the opportunity to rise above. You motivated me to become a diva since I wasn't good enough *look @ me now*. You made me understand LOVE in its many forms.
Agapao (verb) is a special word representing the divine love of God toward His Son, human beings in general and believers. It is also used to depict the outwardly focused love God expects believers to have for one another.
Phileo (verb) means "'to have ardent affection and feeling'—a type of impulsive love". This is the natural, human type of love and affection that we have for a friend and is often defined as "brotherly love."
Eros (noun) refers to sexual, erotic love or desire.
You helped me to understand what love isn't and how to effectively LOVE. I now understand that everyone has a place, a purpose and a destination and for that I am grateful. I've learned a myriad of  things, but most importantly:

I AM A GIFT. I was designed that way...
**so whatever you do, don't apologize.  IT'S NOT NECESSARY!

Growing Pains

I woke up this morning with the usual attitude of gratitude. Yes, I am very grateful for the life I have but there are definitely some things that I know I have to change whether the ugly face of fear surfaces or not. I know that I cannot continue to live the way that I do in my household...my sanctuary...and expect other areas of my life to flourish.

For the past few days, I have been quasi-consumed with a relationship that has morphed into something that not even I recognize...and I've seen some things!  I spent the last few days allowing somebody to live rent-free in my spirit who appears to minimal concern for my feelings. Now, I must admit, I am not a very outwardly affectionate person. I am very guarded, calculated and cold person at the possibility of the potential of disappointment ** this is some kind of defense mechanism that hasn't really been too beneficial in my life** But as I analyze the situation, I realize that even in this state, I am learning some great lessons.

Anytime you feel negative emotion, stop and say: Something is important here; otherwise, I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I want? And then simply turn your attention to what you do want. . . . In the moment you turn your attention to what you want, the negative attraction will stop; and in the moment the negative attraction stops, the positive attraction will begin. And—in that moment—your feeling will change from not feeling good to feeling good. That is the Process of Pivoting. ~Abraham Hicks

I realize that I want whatever is best for me. Whatever makes me happy. Relationship. No relationship. An expensive pair of heels. Going to the gym to take yoga classes. Eating a slice (or two) of buttercream cake. Staying in bed all day. Blogging. Ignoring phone calls. Reading fashion magazines or erotica. Surfing the web. Porn and chinese food (don't ask). Whatever makes me happy in the moment and causes no imminent danger...I'm for it. This is the year of me!

I'm watching Notorious...again! Everytime I think about the death of the greatest rapper alive I'm deeply saddened. We lost a great one who had so much more to offer to the music industry. But died tragically due to senseless violence.

Not only was Christopher Wallace an icon but his music seemed so personal. It touched the hearts of the people. He represented a time in my life that was filled with lots of struggles but as I look back...some of the best times of my life . His memory will live on everytime I hear a his stuffy voice spit 16 bars (I play his music often). How can I not think of him when I hear rappers claim to be the greatest? Two mainstream albums and he's still the leader of the pack. I feel so connected  to his music...the movement...his spirit.

R.I.P. Christopher "Frank White" Wallace your memory will NEVER die.

COVERgirl

I think I have a new fetish coming on...

I find myself scouring the jewelry sections of so many stores. I absolutely love the chunkiness of this season's jewelry. *I like big things...lol* The jewels are gorgeous and paired with the most elegant pearls, ribbon and metals that I've ever seen. Even chain stores are buying into the craze (I saw jewelry displayed in Old Navy...Old Navy??) I just looked...as I do with most chain store finds and thought...hmmmmm! I could get this tailor-made for me to my liking. And the designer (that resides in the creative reccesses of my mind went to work jotting ideas. By the way, I imagine her sitting on an ottoman with a pencil and pad) ...Please, don't ask!!!

My friend Karen is the most amazing jewelry designer--EVER! I love all of the pieces in her "little yellow box". She makes the jewelry out of the most unconventional items for a one-of-a-kind feel. Now, don't get me wrong, it looks like a million dollars and she does it so effortlessly. *I'm so jealous* She called me a few months ago and told me that one of her pieces made the cover of a magazine. At that moment, I felt like I won something...I am her biggest fan!!!

***That's us on my birthday. She came to my party with a box with that bracelet inside. What a gift!!! You'll never guess what the flower is made from. Her earrings were made of ...oh! By that time I was on my 5th?? bubblegum vodka and sprite. lol***

 crystal bracelet ~ Janis by Janis Savitt

This definitely would be a wonderful Valentine's Day gift *hint*

I love it because it can be worn anywhere. Slip it on to go to the grocery store with jeans and a tank or tee and even a hat of your choice. Or maybe he'll place it on your wrist to adorn the cocktail dress you'll wear when he surprises you with that special V-day date that he has planned . Whatever your choice. Whatever your STYLE.

**ROCK IT HOW YOU WANT IT**

Rihanna Sings For Haitian Relief Efforts

I LOVE THIS DRESS!!!

She's a **StaR**

I loved making these bows...and doing her hair and makeup...and styling her

...but I didn't love running around @ the last minutes before the show to find this white shirt for the finale.

She LOVES this TuTu!!!!

**and so do I**

Im trying this mobile blog...we'll see

WERK!! i love my job!

Building an EMPIRE!

Okay. I'm back! **i guess that wasn't as hard as I thought**

So technically, I'm an educator **thanks to my mother** but my heart loves ART!!! I am sooooo ridiculously creative that way tooo many ideas live in my head. Can you say MANIFESTATION???? It's time!!! Oh! so anyway, after I taught for as long as I thought I could *i went back* I decided to become a cosmetologist!!!!!! I LOVE hair & makeup!!!

This is my first time...

Hello! Well what can I say??? I'm sassy, unique and opinionated. So let's get started!!!

This is my home or @ least it will be. ** I am a strong believer of visualization and the Laws of Attraction** I plan to fill this home with LOTS and LOTS of luxurious items. I am definitely a lover of gorgeous things, both expensive and inexpensive! We are in a recession, right? Ummmm not according to my wallet or my mindset!!!! lol